Today a friend of mine told me she was worried about me because I seem to be constantly stressed. On the one hand, she’s right. We’ve had a family member die and two car crashes in three months. Additionally, my vertigo seems to be getting progressively worse. My base stress level is certainly higher than it used to be. On the other hand, I thought I was doing pretty good considering all that.
I basically have had two modes lately: stressed to the point where I think I will have a mental breakdown at any point, and apathy. I’ll cover apathy at some other point.
Many of the worries I am currently dealing with have solutions. I know; I have a list. As I solve problems, or even make progress, I can tick things off my list and theoretically lower my anxiety levels incrementally. For instance, we had a totaled car on our hands two days after Christmas. I knew that I needed to talk to all the insurance companies, get my husband and I doctor appointments, get the car appraised and find a new car.
All but the last one has been done. And it has helped. Some. But it didn’t seem to lower my stress levels as much as it should. Like I said earlier, my baseline seem to be ratcheted up. This is a problem. I don’t really know how to fix it. What does one do to just stop being stressed about things that I have every right to be stressed over? I’ve started exercising again (now that the whiplash is pretty well gone) and that is helping some. I try to talk to my friends about it, but honestly I end up feeling selfish for bringing up my problems (now there’s a future post I need to write). Prayer and/or meditation do help, but it doesn’t exactly eradicate the stress, it just puts it in perspective a bit. Alcohol was simply a bad choice and I stopped drinking for a while.
Multiple people have told me I am coping incredibly well in the circumstances. But I don’t want to cope. I want to get better. The past week has been better. I’ve been able to cry a few times, and I’ve noticed I am less irritable. I still can’t sleep, though. I can’t focus, either. I am doing better, but I have a really long way to go.